Our Disaster-Fixer Machines Will Save Us!

Trump Threatens ‘Fire and Fury’ Against North Korea if It Endangers U.S.

Ooooh scary. Saber, meet Rattler-in-Chief.


I’ve seen this before, more than once. But don’t worry. There are multiple ways we scientists from the future can fix things if they get really horrible. One is a little machine we developed called the Disaster-Fixer Machine or DFM for short.  We starting it with Ronnie Reagan’s bogus Strategic Defense Initiative program and used 250 billion in black ops funding to create it.) But we won’t need it this time because Ivanka will talk him down first.  She’s part of the Trump Babysitting Team (TBT) along with McMaster and Kelly. When Trump was elected the DoD hired her. Why do you think she’s around Daddy all the time? Her fashion design skills? She’s our first line of defense.

If North Korea launches its little nuke it will be shot down by the revamped Star Wars Missile Shield, called the Ground-based Mid-course Defense System  or GMD for short. This Warthog Defense video explains how it works. It was a boondoggle program at first, but it appears to work great now. My friend Guy sued to get access to the first SDI makers information and found out that those people are some of the biggest liars and cheats he ever met, but I’m sure they are totally telling the truth about their programs now. They’re our second line of defense.

But if the Trump Babysitter Team and the GMD doesn’t work, we have a third line of defense. I’m telling you this on deep background, off the record, no backsies. The US can use the DFM to go back in time 4 and 1/2 days (specifically 4 days, 6 hours, 3 minutes, 45 seconds, 14.5 nanoseconds.)  It was used once in 2002 to stop the nuke that went off in Baltimore (as depicted in the movie The Sum of all Fears, starring Ben Affleck.)

 Then we used it to stop the ferry bombing in New Orleans after Katrina (as depicted in the movie Deja Vu, starring Denzel Washington.) Thank science we had it! Those are just two of the times that Bush used it. How many times did Bush use it during his reign? It’s still classified, but let’s just say it rhymes with bleven.

As some of you know, I am an alien. I’m not of this earth. I’m not the only one. Some aliens have super powers. These aliens can be enlisted to save us.  One in particular is on high alert. He’s also on the TBT. He’s a strange visitor from another country. He’s not as tall as you would think, but he stands for Truth, Justice and the North American Way. Yes, I’m talking about Justin Trudeau. He’s our fourth line of defense.

Justin and Ivanka both serve on the Trump Babysitting Team along with General Kelly and General McMaster.


Below is a clip of what he did when Trump launched a preemptive strike at North Korea from his undisclosed location at a New Jersey golf club three days from now.

Here’s more undisclosed footage from the time line where Trump launched a nuke. Most of you don’t remember these timelines because duh, you are in the one that got fixed. These timelines are leaked to insiders to create books and movies showing those horrific realities. (Where do you think that hack Tom Clancy  got his ideas from, Schenectady?)

These serve as a warning for what can happen if, for example, we allow someone with no impulse control to control our WMDs. These lines of defense usually work. They should, they cost enough. It’s necessary now because Americans are further away from the realities of war than ever. Why do you think Hollywood keeps churning out post apocalyptic disasters? For the money? No. It’s to stick the image of the tragedy of war into the American public consciousness. 

Sadly our machines don’t always work as advertised. We can’t always shoot down the missiles, go back in time or get super-powered aliens to save us.  Sometimes regular ol’ humans need to prevent the tragedies before they happen. Unfortunately, if they don’t think the future is going to be really bad, they might not act. Some don’t watch the movies or don’t have the imagination to visualize different timelines. They need to experience the tragedy.

Consider yourself lucky you don’t have to experience the actual tragic timelines. Believe me, it sucks having multiple horrific timelines crowding up your brain. If I wasn’t a Vulcan, with strong mental discipline, they would make my nose bleed green.

Oh and btw, Obama never used the DFM to prevent the darkest timeline. I would be breaking the temporal prime directive to tell you why he didn’t and what happened. But let’s just say, “But her emails!”

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