Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Time to Commeditize WingNuts on Welfare

We need a new bubble.

I'm going to do my part and suggest a new class of assets to build on, commoditize and then leverage it 30-1 to sell off to investors in the giant pool of money. (Of course commeditizing is funnier, but I digress)

WingNuts on Welfare Celebrities Index Fund or WOWCIF.

First, you should know that the math behind this is VERY VERY complicated and can't be understood by humans. Vulcans created these and they are like 390 years ahead of humans in math. This will ensure that no one questions them, just like the CDSs.

The underlying assets in the WOWCIF are KNOWN producers. But the best part of this is that the producers can never fail. Even if they work hard to fail, like getting arrested for "doctor shopping" or taking so many drugs they lose their hearing, they are constantly propped up! As my friends in the UK might say, "They are safe as houses" (or at least the payments for the houses).

We would assemble all the WingNut welfare celebrities and package them to sell to Wall Street and the people running the Giant Pool of Money. We put some A list WingNut celebrities in the package with a bunch of B and C listers. Since even the lamest celebrities from the AEI and the Heritage Foundation are on TV and writing best selling books, there is a pretty big supply of these folks.

The very best part of this scheme is that like housing prices, these people's careers always go up. They are the definition of failing up. Like home prices under the cheap money polices of the FED, their success only ever goes in one direction. The market is fixed for them. When they are wrong they still get to be on TV. When they write unreadable books they still sell millions. The beauty of this deal is that the people keeping these WingNuts On Welfare Celebrities afloat are the same ones who are shopping around for something else to invest in. They are happy to sucker their fellow GPOM members.

Unlike sports celebrities or Democratic celebrities they will be propped up and protected, no matter how hideous their behavior or how vile their speech. The least the people who run the Giant Pools of Money can do is take advantage of how they defy the laws of the "free market".

Of course I won't get credit for this brilliant idea. I'm used to it. I have lots of great ideas, but it is implementation that is key. The GPOM members could thank me for the ideas with some highly paid speaking engagements. I'll beam down for the right fee, not all of us can be on WingNut Welfare.

(Photo from Crafty Sam, who is simply a Detroit Redwing fan and may or may not be a Wingnut Welfare Celebrity. Since my friend Libby is in Detroit I don't want to sully the good name of the Redwings.)


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