Saturday, July 07, 2007

I will keep planet Earth safe from attacks from the Cybermen, the Daleks, and the Borg

Since I seem to be into lists lately, here is a good one from David Allen at Thought Crimes, in response to Rudy Giuliani's "Twelve Commitments".

It is so good I'm just going to pull the whole list from here and remind you to read his blog at Thought because it really does provide a new way of looking things.

In the spirit of Rudy's list, here is my own, which I point out is just as realistic as Rudy's.

• I will alter my car's engine to run on water and get 100 miles to the gallon.

• I will command my pug to stop shedding.

• I will keep planet Earth safe from attacks from the Cybermen, the Daleks, and the Borg.

• I will install an asteroid shield over the planet.

• I will lead America to give up meat, high fructose corn syrup, cigarettes, beer, reality TV, and computer porn.

• I will compel Microsoft to release a robust and secure version of Windows for less than $100.

• I will persuade Bill O'Reily, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Rupert Murdock, Sean Hannity and a dozen other blowhards to be chosen later, to colonize Mars.

• I will fly around the Earth at super speed, reversing its rotation and turning back time to January 1st, 2000. I will then kidnap Ralph Nader and keep him hostage on the Planet of the Nubile Underwear Models Who Dig Nerdy Older Guys in Wrinkled Suits.

• I will change male biology so that men can get pregnant, then arrange for every anti-abortion male in America to be artificially impregnated.

• I will raise Jerry Falwell from the dead, slap him, then send him to Mars.

• I will telepathically implant an actual clue in the head of each and every pundit and journalist in Washington, DC.

• I will require FDA and USDA officials who insist that contaminated foods and GM crops are perfectly safe for the public, to eat only that food themselves and to feed it their spouses, children and grandchildren.

I will buy a steak dinner for the first reporter who asks Rudy this question:

Will you honor these commitments the way you did your wedding vows in your first two marriages?


Steve said...

Ha ha ha

Best Laugh I've had in while.

7:13 PM  

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