Saturday, July 14, 2007

Alora 12 and 1/2 Years Old

Sarah Deere's granddaughter Alora is dying.

I don't know Sarah or Alora. I don't even know if those are their real names and I don't care.

I "know" Sarah from her writing. I know that Sarah gets pissed at the standard God talk that many people bring out during times like this. A relative of mine just had to deal with another faith's prescribed rituals and they seemed overwhelming and, because she didn't grow up in that tradition, seemingly arbitrary. "What's with this covering all the mirrors?"

Not all people grieve the same. There is no one perfect way.
Traditions vary. Personally my favorite is toasting the deceased with a glass or twelve of Romulan Ale. When our friend Harve died that was what we did, but I don't expect everyone else to be soothed by the green goodness.

Over a long period of time I've been reading the story of Sarah's granddaughter's illness. And how Sarah and her family are coping with this.

Sarah has said that commenting has helped her deal with this. I'm glad. About 154 years ago when the internet started there was a community called the WELL. When someone was in pain people would put parentheses around that person's name to show that you are hugging them or holding them in their thoughts.

As in: ((((Sarah Deere))))

It was a nice gesture, but it aways seemed inadequate. When someone who you like is hurting you want to have the right words, the right action, the right gesture, the right tone of voice. And if you are there physically you often know just to say nothing and hold their hand or hold them in your arms and let them feel your support.

For all its power, the internet fails tragically at times like this.

Sarah has said she appreciates our words of support and I'm glad. I know just how much the supportive notes from strangers on the internet meant to me. I should have individually thanked everyone who sent notes and money. But I was in the heart of the situation and had trouble just keeping my nose from gushing green blood from all the pressure. But those words did help me and I know they DO help connect us, even over vast physical distances.

Your words or Sarah's words may have been written in Toronto or Atlanta, but they were read by my brain right there in my home on my box. They helped me deal with the isolation that many of us feel. I'm glad that Sarah knows we are thinking about her and feels our support.
We are connected. Sometimes in pain sometimes in victory.

My thoughts to your thoughts Sarah. Be well.


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