Tuesday, December 16, 2008

How to Redefine Spitting on People

Today Digby at Hullabaloo wrote about an ABC interview with Dick Cheney. ABC headline:
In Exclusive Interview With ABC News, Vice President Dick Cheney Opens Up About His Hard Line Tactics. (Note ABC's choice of words). How do you move from torture to "hard line tactics"? What role does the press have in accepting one definition of the act over another?

They are making an editorial decision every time they choose NOT to call waterboarding torture. If you read Jonathan Karl's questions you'll note HE never says the word torture himself, he always says "tactics" and attributes the word torture to "leaders, the incoming Congress".

As an old teacher of mine said, "Word choice is important."

You think Clinton careful choose his words? The Bush White House were masters at renaming things and getting the press to simply agree with the name and use them in their stories.

Talking torture is a sure turn off - I can already hear the mice clicking. Therefore I'll use a different analogy. It will involve George W. Bush, spitting and my beloved Canadians.

What if Bush started spitting on people when he met them? His PR people (some of the best in the world) need to transform it. What would they do? They would re-brand spitting on people.

They would sell it to the media as a new method of greeting, stop using the word spitting and start using the branded phrase "Hello Friend™"

Here is how it would be done:
"President Bush today appeared to spit on the Prime Minister of Canada. The nation was shocked and demanded an apology. Bush aides said that the President simply sneezed during the greeting and the act was never intended as an act of disrespect"
Canadian PM Jean Chretien with US President
George W. Bush -- moments before the alleged spitting incident
CP picture Archive Doug Mills.

That man SPAT on me, but we didn't arrest him! Jean Chretien speaks at the Canadian Bar Association annual meeting in Quebec City (Jacques Boissinot / THE CANADIAN PRESS)

"President Bush had a cold again today when he sneezed while greeting the Prime Minister of Canada. This is the second year that Bush has caught a cold right before visiting Canada."

"Today when President Bush sneezed on the Prime Minister of Canada, his aide said that he was actually saying hello to his friend and his actions were misrepresented by the media who disagree with his policies about the war in Iraq, since Canada didn't send troops to Iraq.
"President Bush said "Hello friend!" by sneezing on the Prime Minister of Canada, Paul Martin. American TV commentator Bill O'Reilly expressed outrage that some Canadians saw the act of welcome as something other than the result of a cold or allergy that just coincidentally happened during greeting of the Prime Minister.

Prime Minister Paul Martin opens his arm in greeting, right before the President's apparent sneeze.

A wary Prime Minister Martin looks on while President Bush discusses is relationship with Canada. Some partisan Democrats noted that for the fifth time the greeting consisting of sneezing on the Prime Minister, some Internet bloggers even claimed that Bush "spit" on the PM. Republicans insisted that Democrats were attempting to politicize greetings from people with allergies."

2006 President Bush today said hello to his friend the Prime Minister of Canada. Video of the exchange on appeared on the David Letterman show and has been replayed over 3,000,000 times on the new video sharing service YouTube where it appears to show the President making a sneezing type action movement during the greeting. Political analysts from the Newsbusters.org said that Democrats were trying to turn a simple sneeze into an international incident and pointed to multiple other instances of Bush sneezing before he greets most leaders.

The office of White House Protocol today included the "Hello Friend™" greeting into the official method of greeting the Prime Minister of Canada. The process involves applying moisture to the air which the minister will then walk into. Leticia Baldridge, Ronald Reagan's head of Protocol said that this method has a long tradition in the United States as an intimate greeting of friendship, in earlier White Houses the moisture applying method looked like an "air kiss". President Bush has removed the sexualization of the act, applied some distance so it is more formal and masculine.
As a part of the Federal Rules Bush is putting in place for his successor the "Hello Friend™" method of greeting Prime Minister of Canada has been written into law. Shown here

Obama is expected to carry on the protocol of President Bush in regard to greetings or risk upsetting the 48 percent of Americans who didn't vote for him.
In a shocking display of disrespect, President Obama spat on the Prime Minister of Canada today. This disgusting display from the young black President is no doubt intended to show Prime Minister Harper that President Obama will not be working closely with him. The act shocked political observers who had never seen such a horrible display of manners in their 40 years of service.
Obama will have a difficult time coming back from this setback, especially considering the good relations between President Bush and previous Canadian Prime Ministers over the last 8 years.
Reporting from Canada, I'm Karen Ryan.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Food is Scary... Scary GOOD!

This is in response to Athenae's post, "Food is Scary"

The best cookbooks are some put together from the high schools or churches.
Hilarious titles and scary ingredients.
Here are a few from the Marian High School "Cooking with Class" cook book first printing 1981 but the recipes are from the alumni and the moms of girls who grew up in the 50's

Oysters on Horseback (Gitty up! yum!)

Hot Crab Hors d'Oeuvres
1/2 cup oleo (Yes that's right, OLEO!)
1 jar Kraft®, Old English cheese spread (You just know that Kraft suggested this one, probably was part of a Good Housekeeping® ad about "Quick seafood treats for the holidays!")
1 1/2 tsp mayonnaise*
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp salt (can't have enough salt!)
1 pkg crab frozen
6 English muffins.

*Mayonnaise, The essential 1950's miracle food! Soon to be renamed Miracle Whip® !
Miracle Whip. Wonder Bread® . Super Sugar Crisp® . 1950's '60's marketing really made the food very EXCITING!

Meatballs in Beer (Hmmmm, meatball beer....)

LuLu Paste (First, call your friend LuLu...)

Cucumber Lime Jello Salad
Ingredients: Lime Jello, mayonnaise*, cottage cheese, onion, celery
"Five Great Tastes that Taste great Together!"

*What salad is complete without mayonnaise?

Sauerkraut Salad "Ve have vays of making you eat it!"

Lickin' Good Salad
Ingredients: Lemon Jello, cream cheese, whipping cream, crushed pineapple, nuts, green peppers, maraschino cherries
Great for the Holidays!
(They don't say what you will be lickin' after eating it. I'm thinking a Popsicle® brand Popsicle to get the taste of this salad out of your mouth.)

Overnight 7 Layer Salad
Ingredients: 2 heads lettuce, celery, green pepper, hard boiled eggs, onions, cucumber, water chestnuts, frozen peas, bacon, 2 cups mayonnaise*, 2 T Sugar Canned milk, 1 cup grated cheese.)
Actual directions: Refrigerate overnight. Toss before serving.
(I think I really WOULD Toss it before serving, thanks for the tip!)

*There it is again! I'll bet you could also use Miracle Whip.

And remember, this was in the Midwest were you couldn't get any fresh vegetables, everything was CANNED. What do you do when someone says, "Bring a vegetable dish"? Get out the can opener!

Vegetable Casserole

1 can green beans
1 can sliced carrots
1 can sliced water chestnuts
1 can wax beans*
1 can mushrooms
1 can cheddar cheese soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup.
Place in Casserole dish. Bake at 350 till hot. about 25 minutes.
*Wax beans? What? Do regular beans have too much flavor? Too colorful?
(Open 7 cans and you are 25 minutes away from a hearty healthy heavenly dinner. Even faster if you have an electric can opener!)

Your Secret Flavoring
(I'm not going to tell you what's in it. It's a SECRET! But if you want to know, it's on p. 157. Hint, it begins with an "M".)

Jello Cake
White cake mix, jello, water, top with either Dream Whip® OR Cool Whip®
(It appears the "Whip" is the necessary part of the topping. I'm surprised there was no call for Miracle Whip.)

Eggless, Butterless, Milkless Cake
Guess what the secret ingredient is?
13 tablespoons of lard. (I'll bet you thought the secret ingredient was mayonnaise. WRONG! But good guess.)

"Flavorless? Hardly!"

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Bush Moves To Dallas! Takes In Crowd With Him

First Lady Laura Bush and President George W. Bush are moving back to Dallas when the president’s term expires in January, the Associated Press is reporting.

The AP says the first lady’s press secretary confirmed Wednesday that the couple are purchasing a home in Dallas.
--San Antonio Business Journal (Link)

This just in from The HillTop, D.C. Social Paper of Note for Notables.
From D.C. To D-Town

Following his move to Dallas The HillTop's Power Party People predict the Former President will be the HIT of D-Town's social circuit. Everyone who counts will be coming to the lively parties put on by Laura, the lovely librarian and the President, affectionately known as 'Little Boots' to his friends and 43 to his father.

As part of the transition the President has asked a few of his favorites to uproot and move to Dallas and join him. It appears our Partier-in-Chief must have his tet-a-tetes with Grandee of elite Washington political society, Sally Sterling Bradlee née Quinn; Presidential Piano Player Condi Rice; Dick "Chain Man" Cheney; Karl "T**dblossom" Rove, Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld; Rush "Limboner" Limbaugh, David "High Broderism" Broder and Cokie "The Cokester" Roberts. Secret sources say he is asking everyone to "Come with! ".

Miss Sally Quinn, the Dishy Doyenne of the D.C. society circle, has said that she wishes she could stay to welcome the Obama's to "The Village" crowd of social whirlers in the Capital, but she feels her duty to her country's social circuit comes first so she will be bringing her A-list guests and her Rolodex to Dallas.

Still no word if Quinn's formerly high-powered husband, Ben "Ink Stain" Bradlee will be joining her. Wags around the Mall say he hopes to play "hoops" with Obama. We think he'll play ball with Quinn's demands to move to Dallas.

Insiders say we can expect a massive real estate sell off in D.C and a boon in Dallas as The Powers that Be start selling their townhouses in DC to buy elegant mansions in Dallas. Even with these financial hard times don't expect corners to be cut! No sub-prime "McMansions" for this crowd. It's Mansions for everyone in Texas where Big is BIG and Americans are proud of their wealth. The DeBushification of D.C. should be complete by January 31.

Let's hope The Prez gets his cleaning deposit back on the White House! Remember the lies about how the "W" keys were missing during the Clinton/Bush transition? Remember how no photos were produced as proof of the alleged missing "W" keys? Note to Obama team: Take photos to prove the "O" keys are missing! The media will NEVER run stories of vandalism in the White House unless there is proof! They don't want to be fooled again. After all, it's a crime to vandalize federal property and a sin to lie! Good thing the Obama's are Christians, like the Bushes, because we all know Christians don't lie. Of course the team could use the zero key-- if it isn't worn out from the previous staff typing up deficit numbers!

But why leave the Ranch? We can't tell you who told us this, but a little biddy told us,
"That place always smells like pig poo from the time it was a pig farm. George likes it because he can cover up his gas passing and he can blame it on the previous pigs if there wasn't a reporter handy to take the blame. [This person] said to him 'You buy a house Dallas by December or no dinner!"

Reporting from Washington, I'm Karen Ryann.

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