Friday, May 04, 2007

Spocko Needs a Comedy Break: 20 Million Plastic Chickens Recall Edition

I told Interrobang this recall is pooping me out. My Vulcan Spidey sense knew this was going to be huge. Today from Associated Press.
20 million chickens may have eaten tainted feed
Poultry must be assessed by government before it’s processed, USDA says
A few headlines I expect to see this week:

“There are diluted lethal chemicals in your chicken! We won’t tell you which brands until after the sports and weather from Sunny Storm!”
- Kent Brockman EyeWitlessNews

“The crap that killed your kitty in is your chicken cutlet! When deaths go up by 30 percent you’ll be the first to know which brands!” Action News 7

“Is your pappy pooped? Can’t pee? Passed out? Passed on? Call the CDC and let us know, you might be the winner in the 2007 food lottery!” (You might already be a winner! Residences of the Utah and Indiana need not enter, you have already been entered.)

If you are a time traveler and coming from a future where this stuff killed humans and you feel that this is in bad taste, please forgive me. Note the date. Right now, I don't know of any humans that have died from this. Acute Renal Failure? Not in this timeline, that I know of. I really want to believe that the FDA is thinking of our health first so I can joke about something that hasn't happened yet. In this timeline, I still have hope the FDA will do the right thing. I really don't want to have to call all the Chicken Farms in America.

For the chicken farmers? Consider this good practice for future avian flu outbreaks.
For the people who are supposed to have implemented the Import Security Plan but haven't actually implemented it, consider this good practice.
If you are in the DHS bioterroism unit, again, consider this good practice, time to test your chops.

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Rich said...

>>Import Security Plan>>

Does this mean that alQaida an the Chinese are working together to drain our precious body fluids, and this is not about corporate an government negligence?

4:12 AM  
coho said...

"Test your chops?" You mean there's something wrong with the pork supply, too? Say it ain't so!

Anybody gets between me and my morning bacon is just askin' to get a hurtin' put on 'em.

10:41 AM  

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