Wednesday, September 22, 2004

George W. Bush: shoe store manager

I know you said you were a size 8 and the inside of your old shoe says size 8 and the measurement with the stick here says size 8, but these are just guesses. I think you should be wearing a size 6. Your feet are small and getting smaller. Let me get you a box of size 6 shoes.

[Bush walks back with box in hand]

Here they are. They look great don't they? Okay, slip one on. Hmmm. Push hard. Harder. Come on, bear down! It has to fit. I'm not going to leave this seat until that shoe fits. I don't care if the measuring stick says size 8. I'm not going to get up and get another box because of some ruler.
I'm in charge here, you are just the customer. Why don't you believe me? Who is the expert on shoes here? Me or you?

This is the right size for you. Try again. Don't pull your foot out, push harder. A little pain is worth it for appearances sake. Trust me, you aren't going to be able to wear any shoes if you can't wear these. These are the best shoes we sell.

The price for the shoes? A million two. You don't want to pay now? Buy them on credit. Why don't you just charge it and let your children and grandchildren pay the bill? If they give you any grief tell them that if you have to choose between walking on glass or getting shoes, you'd choose shoes everytime.

By the way, the shoes are made in China so you are helping the environment here by buying goods made overseas.

Sorry if I can't give you a receipt, the accounting is all messed up. My big boss, Mr. Rove and the district manager Mr. Cheney kept giving away shoes on credit to their buddies and we haven't gotten around to getting the books straightened out yet.

Thanks for coming back to our store, "The Sole of America".

(tip o' the hat to Vinnie on Atrios for the idea)


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